I get a kick out of it when the Lord corrects me. Once the rebuke has passed and I’m licking my wounds, I even manage to chuckle at how small I am compared to His greatness…and how bold I can be to think that I can get away with anything when He’s always present and ever checking me!!
I made a decision to distance myself from a situation and today one of the parties reached out to me and after our communication I remained steadfast in my decision. I found myself praying for the situation and those involved and then I began interceding for others and finally for myself, praying that I had heard from Him and was not making emotional decisions. I felt peace and then it was time for me to shower. I again thought of the situation and the word “toxic” came up. I thought of the many times I had heard that term as it relates to people and how wise it was to remove toxic people from one’s life. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m dealing with here…toxic people,” I said to myself. I had one foot in the shower when I know it was Him who spoke and how dare I open my mouth and say out loud what He was speaking to my heart. Here’s what I heard come from my mouth…the nerve of me: “If toxic people bring out the toxicity in you wouldn’t that make you toxic too? Don’t you all have work to do?” Thanks Lord…and you’re a poet too? Apparently…He is that. What came next was the realization that perhaps toxic people or difficult situations are allowed in our lives for us to determine how far along we are in our maturing process. They are sent for us to determine just how “there” we are. It would seem that I am not quite there.
I laughed out loud at myself as I envisioned me looking out and wondering why my vision was impaired…oh yeah, it’s that tree that’s imbedded in my eye…getting in the way of my being able to clearly see the speck in yours. Now does this mean, that I’ll reverse my decision to distance myself from that situation I mentioned earlier? I don’t think so, because I know that I know that it’s not a good one for me. I also know that today’s revelation has brought me right back down to my knees and I’m finding myself at His feet where I’m safest, where I’m quiet, where I’m home.
Here’s the last thing I heard as I was rinsing the conditioner from my hair…”Your reaction to a situation paints a picture of the condition of your heart.” Ouch, Hallelujah! — Back to the lab I go!!